2019 Year in Review-Part 2

Summer 2019 was pretty uneventful.  Josh turned 40 in July so we decided to spend his birthday on the beach, other than that, we spent most weekends at Moms.  In August my first nephew was born, that was pretty exciting!

Then September rolled around and Mom wasn't feeling well.  She had knee surgery over the summer and it just seemed like she was never feeling 100% after that.  She went to her cancer doctor and the cancer numbers were all good!  But her liver numbers were up.  A side effect of one of her cancer meds they determined.  Then she started gaining weight, but wasn't really eating so that didn't make sense.  After a couple of doctors visits we learned she was retaining fluid and her liver wasn't working properly.  They said originally that after draining the fluid and trying a few things, it should all fix itself.  But, she was gaining fluid faster than they could see her to drain it off.  She ended up spending the weekends in the hospital.  We joked that she needed to start feeling bad on a week day so she wouldn't have to stay in the hospital!  Then, we saw the specialist.  They told us that if her numbers didn't improve (and they seemed to be getting worse, not better), she had 2 weeks to live.  She had a diagnosis of non-alcoholic cirrhosis. Boy that devastated us.  My work was wonderful, I was able to work from the hospital so that I could be with her every day.

She decided she wanted to spend her last days at home.  I told her I wasn't leaving her side and to get used to me, I was moving in!  I rode home with her in the ambulance and we pulled up to a site that warms my heart.  My brother was a fire fighter and he had a whole group of fire fighters there with a truck.  They all helped mom get upstairs and comfortable in her bed.  If you knew my mom, you loved her.  That's how she was.  As she was getting out of the ambulance mom told them "Don't drop me like I'm hot!"  they said the wouldn't drop her like she's cold either.  Her humor was their until the end.   This was September 18th.  I did go home that night, I still had to find the courage to tell my boys their nanny, who was their world, was going to heaven soon.  Keep in mind they just lost their Papaw in January.  I went to work on the 19th to get things together with the knowledge I might not be back in the office for a week or so, I was going to spend all the time I could with my mom.   At this point she was hallucinating and seeing her dad with her.  I don't think it was a hallucination, I think he was there comforting her.  She never seemed scared.  Her only worry was us.

The 20th was my birthday.  I had stayed the night there and was sleeping when I got a call from Roger's phone.  I jumped out of bed answering the phone thinking it was "the call" and ran to her room.  Nope, even sick and not herself, she had told Roger she needed to call me to sing me happy birthday.  She didn't remember that I had stayed there.  I decided to reschedule my birthday though, we pre-planned her funeral that day so she could make the decisions and that is just not something you want to do on your birthday.  The weekend was full of visitors from all over.  Again, my aunts and cousin were there for me so much.  Even though mom and dad were divorced (and they are dad's sisters), they loved mom like a sister. We got to a point I had to put it out there that we couldn't allow any more non-family visitors.  She was nearing the end and we could tell.

I stayed with her through the weekend and went back home Sunday night.  The boys were going to go to school, they had stayed with me most of the weekend.  I was woken up at around 5 am by my brother calling me.  I ran out of the house and made it to her house in no time.  I thought it was the end, but that she was still with us.  It turns out, she had passed peacefully in her sleep.  I know she was waiting for me to leave, and for Roger to go to sleep (he had been staying up all night with her).  She didn't want us to see that.  She passed September 23rd.   Her funeral was September 26th.  Again, she had so many visitors during the visitation, and the funeral had people standing in the lobby.  Her work even shut down for the day knowing they would all be at the funeral.  She was an amazing woman and I can only hope to be half the mom she was.  It wasn't always rainbows and butterflies growing up, but we were best friends.  There are so many times I want to talk to her even still.  I don't think that will ever stop.

She wanted a celebration of life, not a funeral.  So we tried to keep everything as up beat as possible.  She wanted a cook out afterwards, at my house so Roger didn't have to do much preparation.  I had over 50 people here celebrating her, and I loved every minute of it.  While there were tears, and still are, there was so much laughter and love.  Just what she would have wanted.  

We had a lot of good happen after September, Tyler got engaged (and I got to play photographer) and Jonathan and Alexis got married at Hubers (and I got to play photographer again!).  We had planned a family trip there for pumpkin picking and new Mom would want us to go.  They were going to get married in Mom's room so that she could be there, but she got so sick so fast they knew she wouldn't really be there.  Speaking of Alexis though, let me tell you about that girl.  She was amazing with mom as a care giver.  She bathed her, helped Roger get her situated in bed, washed her hair, everything to keep her comfortable.  She will never understand how much we appreciate that.  

I said my new birthday was going to be October 20th as a joke.  Roger remembered that though.  We did our annual Halloween get together for the kids, and Roger brought me a birthday cherry pie and flowers.  That meant so much to me.  My birthday will never be the same.  I know my brothers all feel the same about their own. The one thing we always got, and never asked for, was mom calling us to sing happy birthday.  Now we all miss that. 

I thought losing my dad was hard, but losing my mom hit me even harder.   Both were so unexpected and I had mom to help me with dad.  Sometimes you just need your mommy.

2019-year in review part 1

2019-what a year!  I would have never thought that I would lose both of my parents in the same year.  January 25th I got a call that no daughter (or anyone for that matter) wants to get.  The Jefferson County Coroner called to inform me that they had found my dad passed away and me listed as his emergency contact.  He had not shown up for work the night before which was not like him, and he was not answering his phone.  His co-worker went to check on him and could hear his phone ringing through the door with no movement.  He was living in an extended stay hotel type place, so you would have been able to hear him if he was just ignoring the call.  They got the police to do a welfare check and found him dead in his bed.  It seemed that he had a heart attack.

I don't think I have ever felt a pain like that before.  My mom was trying to call me while I was on the phone so Josh called her and let her know, I could barely talk.  He took the boys to his parents so they didn't have to see me like that.  It wasn't pretty.  Mom came over right away to be with me.  My brother happened to call her not long after Josh talked to her.  She assumed he was calling her about dad.  She could tell by his tone that he wasn't. She asked him had he talked to me yet and he said yes.  We had talked on my way home from work that day, just about 30 minutes before I got the phone call.  She asked him if he was ok, and he was like what are you talking about!  She broke the news to him.  I had to call my aunts and uncles and let them know.

The next day David and I went to clean out his room and had to plan his funeral.  Mom was a big help there too.  She was there for us every step of the way.  She hated that we were hurting.  The funeral was nice, he had a huge turnout from people at work.  It was nice to see how so many people he worked with cared for him.

I think I went numb for a bit after that, my aunts and uncles were such a big support for me, and still are!

In March, Josh was looking online at a house that was for sale across the street from us, just being nosy.  It also showed him houses for sale in the area.  We had pretty much decided we were going to stay in our house forever and maybe expand the kitchen at some point.  We both had house requirements on a new home that we thought we would never find in our area in our budget.  Josh's requirement was a 3 car garage, I wanted an upstairs, wrap around porch, and it had to have a basement.  Low and behold, there was a house with all the requirements listed just 5 miles from us!  I told him we would never be able to get our house ready to sell in time and the price was right at our max budget so we forgot about it.  Then we went on spring break and I decided to look at it again.  The seller had dropped the price!  I contacted our realtor friend and she set us up to look at it when we got back in town.  We fell in love!  It had all of our requirements, plus more.  I fell in love with the house, Josh fell in love with the total of 5 car garage space!  So, we put our house on the market that week and got an offer the first day it was listed!   We moved May 17th!   Our new house has room for entertaining, Mom was so happy that holidays would be at my house now.  She loved having the family together, but didn't like the preparation part that comes with it, me, I love it all!  Unfortunately, the first family gathering we would have at our new house wouldn't include her.